For real though, what would Amazon be without the Amazon review section? The reviews people write are pure hilarity. Seriously – how do these people even get these things out of their brains? It’s mind-blowing. Let’s dive into some of the weirdest reviews on Amazon to see what reviewers and even potential buyers are saying.

Pepper spray is a basic and cheap form of self-defense, especially if you are walking home alone late at night and hear footsteps behind you. You can never be too safe these days! In case of emergencies, pepper spray is a must-have item. However, if you are using pepper spray so much that it runs out, then maybe you need to move to a new neighborhood entirely. 

 This couple made the best out of their Amazon order mishap and the result is quite hilarious. Although the woman initially bought the item for her pregnancy announcement, her husband is the one who made use of it. Talk about a husband with a knack for humor and turning a disappointing situation into a funny one! The wife is a lucky gal. 

Obviously, thirty-three missing pages leave out pivotal story points, and we’re surprised the reviewer managed to finish the book despite the fact the middle wasn’t there. The person was still able to enjoy the book regardless of the pages that were left out. That’s talent right there!

Amazon, leave this poor guy alone! He’s dealing with the aftermath of a breakup and the last thing he wants to be reminded of is the outfit he bought for his girlfriend. This is a bittersweet but happy moment. It still makes us sad, though. 

This poor guy had to do his best to explain to his wife what he received, which she probably would have been fairly upset over if she had found out. We’d hope his wife would be understanding, but it’s hard to know! Just like with Amazon purchases, you never know what you’re going to get. 

Ok, we’re trying to not be too harsh but this guy has no idea what he is talking about. No matter what anybody thinks, The Shining is an iconic piece of cinema and the internet is full of memes of Jack Torrance. How could the reviewer be so blind? We beg to differ: he’s the rude one. 

The more shocking element of this review is that 1,744 people found it useful. We’re baffled that so many people would actually attempt to do the same, nevertheless finding it useful. What is happening to the world?! Can somebody please explain this to us? 

Yes, her husband’s shakes will have a bump of extra protein, even though the entire idea is really sinister. We think she should just divorce her husband, or seriously think about going to therapy. Either will do. 

The real enigma of this review is not only that she didn’t receive a product she didn’t buy, but also that it was a “verified purchase.” How is it verified if the lady didn’t purchase it and couldn’t even test it out? This spells S-C-A-M, without a doubt.  

In a just-in-case-of-emergency situation, and if Socialists do take over, this guy is certainly prepared. But, we know for a fact that there are cheaper food alternatives than cat food. If food ever does become scarce, we’re avoiding cat food altogether.  

This reviewer was surprised at the size of the cat litter box, so much so that she had to try it for herself! While it seems like a decent size for one cat at a time, let’s just hope that both cats don’t try and do their business in there simultaneously. The woman looks happy as ever in her new home, even if she can barely fit.

We’d think that the Amazon product would come with some sort of product information or warning. Guess not…because the husband was utterly clueless and put it on their cat, instead of his wife.  

In all honesty, the bed really does resemble an ice cream sandwich, but even we can figure out that the mattress would not fit into a freezer. It’s not rocket science, and we’re sober. Drunk minds are an enigma.  

It’s even funnier that the reviewer answered the question in a despaired state of panic. Also, who would be interested in what the calculator smells like? That’s strange. But maybe there’s a group of people out there who have some sort of calculator-smelling fetish. You can never be too surprised these days. We wonder how that person did on their math test, after all. 

The buyer’s thumb’s up for the product is ironic considering it’s the thumb that they cut with the knife. Luckily, the person has a good sense of humor about their injury, and we hope it doesn’t happen again. 

We never would have thought that a banana slicer could save somebody’s marriage, yet stranger things have happened. Aside from being “one of the greatest inventions of all time,” it’s also apparently a handy device to use in the bedroom. Yeah, that’s not an image anybody wants in their head. 

The reviews are pretty sad, considering one Amazon Customer had to decrease their salt intake because their “tears of loneliness” overpowered any dish they microwaved. A solitary lifestyle isn’t a bad thing, and some people actually prefer it. The woman smiling on the cover of the cookbook probably had good intentions, but the depressed customers were not buying it. 

The sarcastic review that this person left is understandable because of the ridiculousness of pens being genderized in the first place. Although they are purple and pink, they aren’t even ultra-feminine and are rather generic.  

Even crazier is that there are other singing vegetables that exist in the world. Broccoli. Avocados. Aubergine. Jeez, Amazon truly keeps surprising us. 

God bless the folks who take the time out of their day to write silly reviews like this one. The person who wrote their Amazon review for the product must have gotten a big kick out of how funny they are. Other people must have felt the same! 

We didn’t know that Amazon even sold UFO detectors until now. Also, if he was being abducted by aliens all the time then he wouldn’t even be on a computer writing that review. The name Cyphis also sounds pretty extraterrestrial.    

This particular Amazon review proves that glitter isn’t just used for arts and crafts projects. For $12.44, the buyer managed to completely cover everything his roommate owns in glitter. He made sure his roommate would never forget what he did, no matter how extreme the result is. We’d be sure to never get on this guy’s bad side or we’ll be dealing with glitter-covered pants for the rest of our lives. 

The customer who purchased this product was probably a father trying to get in some more bonding time with his daughter, but he didn’t know that it would do the opposite in other ways. Yikes! Maybe the dad was hoping he would get a son, instead, but girls are just as capable of handling a Swiss Army Knife, too, ya know. 

This review comes across as funny and a bit sad. Having “a face that’s hard to overcome” presents obstacles, but we’d hope that people appreciate his personality, smell, and not just his looks. We’re rooting for you, Cole!

He’s the author of his own book so, of course, he gives himself a glowing review. Maybe he’s just goofing around, but we’re thinking he actually takes his work seriously. There’s nothing wrong with being proud of what you’ve accomplished, but maybe tone it down a bit, man. 

The 1-star rating has more to do with this man’s wife than the actual product. Vampires have reawakened their popularity recently, although that doesn’t mean that you want your wife to think she is one. We digress – let her have fun with it. For a little bit.

Ok, Amazon sells many things, but obviously not human beings. We’re disturbed that this person even asked if the girl came with the mouse, and it seemed serious. And creepy. Maybe the person is just really lonely, or maybe there’s something gravely wrong with them. 

The reviewer clapped back with a witty answer that seemed to be more snippy than jokey, although it may have come off differently to the person who asked the question. Despite how it was supposed to come across, it made us laugh out loud. 

Was this item bear-proof? Clearly not because if Tina says it’s not, then it’s not. She knows way  more than we do, so it’s best we listen to her advice. Nothing is bear-proof and we’ll take that to our graves. 

While GF is more commonly known as “gluten-free” nowadays, it’s also the abbreviated term for girlfriend. Sauces are sauces, not girlfriends. Although, you may indulge yourself in delicious sauces after breaking up with your girlfriend. Whatever mends your broken heart.